What you could never see
by MiraeChaos
Summary: What goes about in Izaya's head, nobody will ever know, but he decides to confide in the only one he can't control, Shizuo. Both are forced to face their true feelings.


_**A scene that popped up in my head this morning and wouldn't stop playing… Orihara Izaya and Heiwajima Shizuo belong to Narita-sensei and the producers of the Durarara series.  
This story however, belongs to nobody but me, please respect my rights and don't copy.  
Do feel free to continue on this story if I happen to inspire you! I'd love to read your stories.**_

"What the hell are you doing up here, Izaya?"

Shizuo's voice was calm, and layered with a subtle irritation. But it did nothing to calm the stirrings within Izaya. He simply continued walking.

Shizuo stepped forward as well, following several feet behind.

"Answer me."

Izaya paused for a second and smiled to himself. It was the sort of melancholic smile that didn't suit him at all. He continued onwards, closing in on the edge. He felt lightheaded as he reached the safety bar and reached out to grab it.

"Shizu-chan~ Do you know what I love the most in this world?"

He diligently jumped over the railing, and proudly stood on the edge, toes just barely pointing out over the streets below.

Shizuo stood a few feet away from him, watching. "What?"

Izaya leant forward over the edge, one hand holding on to the safety bar behind him.

"Hmm, you still don't know? It's human's, Shizu-chan. I love everything about them~! The way they communicate, how they seem to think they can do everything themselves and still completely rely on others. It's so very amusing to see how they'll react to unexpected events~! Don't you think it's interesting, Shizu-chan? How I love to observe these pitiful creatures!"

Shizuo took another step towards the informant, still lingering at a few feet's distance.

"They look pretty normal to me."

A small smirk spread across Izaya's features as he stepped back slightly, straightening up, but still looking down at 'his' city.

"Haha~! Of course, you would think so, wouldn't you… Yes, I know. However, This~," Izaya made a wide hand gesture and spread his arms out wide towards the city. "This is my playground. This is my place, here, far above them all, watching them, and pulling their strings in any way I wish!"

Izaya started humming some cute pop song as he trailed his hands through the evening air, fingers moving up and down as if he was playing something, like a piano, or puppets on strings. Up, down, sideways, everyone moves to Izaya's soundless notes.

"So, they are just toys to you then? Like puppets?" Shizuo paused, hesitation resounding in his voice. He had the urge to grab the flea away from that ledge and slam him into a nearby wall, but there was something about that voice, those gestures… Shizuo found himself nailed to the ground, quite unable to move at all. "You can't love a puppet, can you?"

Izaya continued his invisible play. Shizuo could only see his back swaying slightly to nonexistent sounds, but the expression on Izaya's face was a sincere smile neither Shizuo nor anyway else had even seen gracing those sharp features.

"No Shizu-chan, one cannot love mere puppets. However, they are not mindless toys. They take their own decisions, live their lives. I'll just… Steer them a little." He grinned, suddenly sweeping both of his hands to one side, curling his fingers in. "To them, I'm irreplaceable. Almost like a god really, I just don't need any prayers, for watching them struggle is my reward."

Shizuo leant back on one foot, scratching his ear absentmindedly, his expression growing ever more uncomfortable. The informant amazed him, yet he also disgusted him, the way he thought he could control everyone… Shizuo knew that somewhere deep inside he even harbored some fear for this man. "So, you have a god-complex or something?"

Izaya chuckled, raising his hands, and then suddenly letting them drop down to his sides.

"Perhaps Shizu-chan, but if you are implying that I'm playing god, you're wrong. I personally do not believe any sort of god exists; however, say such a thing does exist, then that being would be altogether superior to humans, or anything in this world, correct? Such a being could do anything, without fear, without reason, without question. I can't Shizu-chan~. I can place myself up above my dearest humans, I can pull their strings, observe them, yet there's things I can't do."

A thick melancholy was clouding his voice. Shizuo didn't understand, it didn't make sense to him.

Izaya half turned his body towards Shizuo, although his gaze remains focused on his city. He reached out his hand forward.

"There's this one thing I can never do Shizu-chan. I," Izaya suddenly pulled back from the edge. "can never reach out to them," He swirled around to face Shizuo with the same sincere smile that didn't belong to him. "Do you know why?" Izaya didn't wait for an answer. "Because I, Orihara Izaya, am human. If I reach down from a high place, I'll fall." Izaya backed up just slightly, until his heels hang over the edge. "My worst, and only fear, is death. I don't believe in heaven, therefore, death simply means erasure, disappearance, nothingness. So, Shizu-chan, what happens when I fall? There's nobody to catch me down there. After all, I'm not truly a god they admire, but rather a shadow they fear. Would you save a shadow Shizu-chan?"

Izaya let go of the railing Shizuo hadn't noticed him holding. He just stood there, mesmerized, stricken by fear and confusion. He opened his mouth to say something, and then closed it again, unable to find the right words. The blond ex-bartender had never felt so weak and small in his entire life. He could only stare with eyes wide in shock at the scene before him.

"Would you, Heiwajima Shizuo?"

Izaya started falling, slowly, just edging over slightly, the earth below hesitatingly grabbing on to his gravitational point, pulling him away from his vertical position.

Shizuo was frozen, not a single thought formed in his head.

Izaya fell further, slipping into a diagonal position, and gravity finally took a firm hold on him, as he felt himself accelerating. His expression didn't change, as he kept his eyes firmly focused on Shizuo, until the edge finally broke his line of vision. Izaya closed his eyes in acceptance as he repeated his own words in his head.

_Death simply means erasure. There's nobody to catch me down there._

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_In the end, a monster is still a monster._

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Nothing.

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Still nothing. Was he really falling? Or, was he already dead? He hadn't felt a thing… So, that couldn't be right?

Izaya tried to open his eyes. There was nothing, just white, a bright unsettling white. Nothing… But if this was death, then he still existed somehow, right? He'd have to adjust his theories… And with that he fell back into darkness.

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Only a few feet away, at almost the same distance as earlier, a man with bleached blond hair and a pair of sunglasses that made no sense indoors was slumped against a wall, sleeping soundly, remembering the previous day in his dreams.

What he was doing there? Actually, that's the wrong question to ask, after all, he's not the one out of place.

Izaya was falling. He was falling for real. What the hell?

WHAT THE HELL?

"IZAYAAA!"

He lunged forward, jumping the railing in one big step, he tried to grab Izaya wrist but missed by half a mile.

_No, Wrong, Impossible. Don't fucking die on your own like that!_

Shizuo grabbed on to the railing and reached down, noticing a foot just about to slip off the roof just in time. He grabbed for it, almost launching himself onto oblivion in the progress. Even so, he did it, he caught the flea's ankle in his right hand, and now found himself barely hanging on. Not that his strength was failing him, but…

Steel bar + light drizzle = slippery.

Shizuo hadn't even noticed the rain starting to come down, but now it annoyed him to no end, as if it was playing with his live because it wanted too. He swore to get the clouds back for this somehow, knowing full well such a thing isn't possible.

_**THUMP**_

Shizuo suddenly felt Izaya's muscles relax in his hand.

_Oh fuck._

Shizuo finally pulled himself back up, and steadied himself on the roof. He locked his arm around the steel bar and dragged Izaya up as well. Meanwhile the rain continued, slowly drenching the two men.

Izaya had lost consciousness. Judging by the blood trickling down his neck, his head must have hit the building when Shizuo caught him.

Once he got them both out of harm's way, Shizuo took a moment to stare at the men before him. He was slightly dazed, still progressing what had happened just now, and what the flea was talking about before he… did that.

_Why did he jump?_

Shizuo realized Izaya never actually did that.

_Right, he didn't jump. He fell… That's not right either. He let himself fall… Why?_

And then it clicked, the flea's words and actions suddenly… Well, they really didn't make much sense, but in a way, Shizuo got what it had meant.

_He wanted to be saved…_

_He wanted to be saved… by me._

Shizuo frowned at the unconscious man before him. "Idiot." He sighed deeply, as he lifted Izaya off the ground by his collar and dumped him over his shoulder.

Izaya didn't wake up when Shizuo entered the apartment complex they were standing on, he didn't stir when Shizuo opened the door to his own home, and remained asleep even when he was ungracefully dumped on the bed in a bright room, lid by a fluorescent lamp hanging over their heads.

As the informant slept, his lifelong nemesis slumped against the wall. Nothing really made sense right now, and he felt tired, soo damn tired… He'd slept plenty today, it's really not that late, but Shizuo just wanted to sleep, and escape from the world that made no sense anymore. He knew he'd gotten it right. Izaya had wanted to be saved by him. But hadn't they shared a mutual hatred for many years?

Where had it gone…

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There is no tension in the brightly lit room as two of the most dangerous people in Tokyo slept in close proximity.


End file.
